so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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