I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
