ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
