Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Randomize
