piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
