i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
