The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
