i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
