The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
