so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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