He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
