i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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