Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize