Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
