I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
