You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
