first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
