got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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