I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We are two peas in an std pod
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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