I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
