New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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