I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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