That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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