He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize