i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she woke up with a sticky ear
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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