i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
