neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
