I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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