So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
only you would photoshop your dick
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize