we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
