He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
3pm strippers are depressing
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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