Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
