I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
