Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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