he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Oh god it's open bar.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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