also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
