Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
