The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
