i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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