I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
