You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
