I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
