508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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