Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
And then he peed in my hair
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