NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I believe in your delicious
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
