I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
