well I can't set my house on fire every night
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
