My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
