my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
