I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
