Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
