Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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