Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I can tuck mytits in my pants
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
