We're like a lot better than the average bears
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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