I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
How does it feel to date your dad?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
