So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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