saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
