Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
