I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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