It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
