I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
