What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
