All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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