i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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