I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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