Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
