Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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