Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
