just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
