I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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